My Patience Has Been Tested

Yesterday was not easy. First, Gavin was awake at 12:30, 2:20, and 3:20 and coughing in-between, which meant for me that sleep was nil. Then when I had to get up at 5 to get ready, he thought it necessary to scream and scream and cry so that I knew he was unhappy about being up so early. Also, he made a huge mess with food, and my dogs pooped in my closet. I think I had a nervous breakdown prior to 6am. That makes it tough to get ready and get out the door for work. But we did it. At work, I was met with a pile of prescriptions to verify. More than normal. At pick-up, Dawn told me that Gavin had a sassy day. I wasn't surprised. So he screamed about 80% of the way home, and we were caught up in Barret-Jackson traffic at our freeway exit, so I got to listen to screaming and crying for an additional 15 minutes, making our commute a full hour long. We got home, and I tried to kill an hour by keeping him in the Bjorn despite an aching back. It's almost a full-proof method, but it only worked for about a half hour this time. Oh well. I put him to bed, and he went to sleep. Until our dogs, who had been in their dog run all day, decided to go nuts and bark and act crazy and wake up the baby. So I tried soothing him back to sleep by bouncing him around in my arms. But I had the hiccups, and every time I hiccuped it would startle him awake. Somehow he fell back asleep around 7:15, and the rest of the night was not fantastic, but much better than the one before.

So I'm feeling much better, and today I'm off work, so we were able to sleep a couple extra hours. I'm just extremely grateful that I'm not a full-time single mom. I know people everywhere have it so much harder than I do, but sometimes I think I'm just not cut-out for this. I call and text Dylan every time something doesn't go my way. He offers as much moral support as a person could offer from afar. He even suggested that he take the baby with him away for the weekend so I could have some alone time. It was a nice thought, but really the last thing I want is to be alone. I just want my family all together. We thought it wasn't going to be like this, but it is what it is. I might come unglued at some point, but I'm sure I'll survive, and so will everyone else.

And, when it's all said and done, at least we've got our health. (Our physical health, at least...the mental health may be another story.) Back in the day when Dylan was gone all week at work with the airline and I worked five days a week, I would have told you that there was a 0% chance I'd have a baby under those conditions. (Probably a smart choice, especially for the person I was back then.) Right now it's better than it was, but not by a whole lot. And you know what? I wouldn't trade it for anything. Sure, I wish sometimes I could put Gavin back in my belly for just a day or two (at a third his current size), but I've never stopped being amazed by the perfect little creature that we created. His smile and giggle just melt me. It's difficult and stressful, and I'm sure I've aged more in the last few months than the President of the United States does in an entire term, but it is indeed worth it. I'm really looking forward to seeing Gavin grow and learn and interact. The baby phase is not easy, but nobody said it would be.

Huge Baby!

Next time I write on the blog, it will be to tell you about some big adventure we took outside the house. Or at least about something great we did or ate. Because we're due for something like that!