If you had told me that I would have a baby that would take much, much longer to sleep through the night than did my nephews, I would have said, That will never happen. I can sleep through a rock concert, and since my baby will share genetics with me, then he will be able to sleep any time, any place, on demand, no problems.
If you had told me that I would finally buy the Dr Sears book on parenting so I could take a look at the chapter on having a high-needs baby, I would have said that a) That sounds boring, and b) I would never have a high-needs baby because I won't put up with that, and I'll just teach him to be a nice baby because that seems totally easy.
If you had told me that my baby would have an appetite of a linebacker and that I would spend much, much time feeding him and that it would severely interfere with anything I needed or wanted to do all day long...I don't know what I would have said besides That stinks. Or maybe something naive, like That won't happen because I would teach him not to eat so much.
If you had told me that in over five months I'd go out to eat at a restaurant only a handful of times, get out to run errands by myself just as little, and only be alone in my house three times (the longest being today for 2.5 hours), I would have told you that motherhood is for the birds. Do NOT sign me up.
If you had told me that I would read zero books, watch a little bit of extremely interrupted TV, workout only four times a week at most, hardly ever cook dinner, take the time to blow dry my hair on only three occasions in one calendar month, generally just not have any time to do the things I want to do, live in a constantly filthy house, and stay up until 9pm at the very, very latest for months on end, I would have told you the same thing as above.
If you had told me that I'd still receive a constant stream of packages at my doorstep but that maybe 1 in 10 would be for me and the rest would be baby things, I'd laugh and tell you there's always enough time to buy shoes and clothes online.
If you would have told me that I'd skip Saturday at the Open because I just didn't feel like doing what it would take to make it happen, I'd tell you that that person is not me. My life would never come to that.
If you had told me that my baby would never be content by himself, that he'd constantly need my attention or he'd scream, I'd tell you that God wouldn't give me a baby like that. I do not have the patience. I could never do it.
If you had told me that my baby would be my daycare provider's biggest problem child and would make her days difficult and stressful, and in turn cause me to feel stressed and helpless, I would have said that I'd just give the baby a medicine to make it better or something.
If you had told me that I would spend five months never getting more than a few hours of sleep at a time, that I would depend on caffeine and stress hormone to keep me awake and moving, that I would get up at 5am after getting no sleep and haul an hour south with the baby (sometimes screaming) to get to work and then an hour back home, then I would have told you that that couldn't happen because I would die. I am physically unable to persist on no sleep. That would literally kill me.
But I am here to tell you that I'm so glad you never told me any of those things. I was the kind of person who always imagined that I'd have kids but never actually wanted to get to it. But as time went by and the years crept on me I knew it was time to s*** or get off the pot. I was nervous, and I didn't know if I was really cut out for it. And sometimes I do feel as if I'm a bit in over my head. (As lovable as they are, I'm super glad babies don't stay babies forever.) But this adorable face makes none of my old fears, my lack of sleep or leisure time, or all the stress matter. I know that it's all worth it.
Thank goodness I didn't decide against motherhood in the end. Because my life will never be the same, and I mean that in the best possible way.
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