Summer Days

Graham is sitting on the floor with a bunch of toys in front of me. (Best baby ever.) Gavin is playing outside because apparently he cannot feel the 112-degree heat. And Dylan is on a flight into San Jose to meet up with his BFF Brian so they can watch their buddy, Nate, in a golf tournament. I'm glad he was able to take a couple nights away from the three Looney Tunes that he calls his family before his next very busy season of flying. The three of us haven't been home without Dylan in so long, I almost forgot what it was like. (The key word being almost.)

However, since the last time Dylan was traveling, which was the beginning of last month, I feel like we have really turned a corner. I would have never previously been able to sit in front of my computer while both boys were awake. (I mean, I won't pretend that I didn't stop what I was doing and run outside to rescue Gavin, who began wailing because he stepped on searing hot bricks in direct sunlight with no shoes on...or that it took me any less than four sittings to complete this post...) But in that time, Graham has started eating food, he's sitting and not yet crawling (that magical phase), and I've become a part-time nursing mother. He tolerates formula just fine. The normal kind...not the type that costs an arm and a leg. Also he's not a very demanding eater. As far as bottles go, he's taken it very easy on me. And he LOVES to eat food. I don't puree anything or ever fix him anything special. He gets our scraps in bite sized pieces, and it's so easy and fun for everyone. Not to mention the sleep situation has remained as good as can be expected. So, with all those things combined, I've found a much greater ease in living daily life. I feel human. I sometimes find myself relaxing just for the sake of relaxing, and I'm starting to feel like myself. After feeling like a shell of the person I used to know for the last three years, I must say that I'm overcome with relief. I know we'll hit rough patches, but I think we're on to something really good. I feel happy. And relieved. And just so good. What to do with all this renewed energy? I don't know, but I'm ready to do something with it. Stay tuned for that, I guess.

But really, Graham is just the sweetest baby I've ever known. I guess I haven't really taken the time to get to know that many babies (#notababyperson), but his endless smiles are so heartwarming, and I've never seen anything like it. He'll take good naps in his crib if we're home or short naps in the car if we're out, and he rolls with it either way. Lately, I've been able to leave him at the kids club at the gym for an hour or so, and I'm so thankful for that freedom. I'm the kind of person that needs to work up a sweat on most days to be at my best. For the first four or five months, I probably wouldn't have called Graham an easy baby. He's still pretty feisty, and I'm glad he's got some spunk. He keeps me on my toes, but overall we are all just so content with where we're at in this phase of life.

Likewise, Gavin and I continue to have our typical struggles, but he is treating me to more and more super sweet moments. Sometimes we'll have a whole day where he's pleasant and cooperative and sweet, and it is the best. The very, very best. I think everyone can sense that I've learned how to freakin' chill, and it's rubbing off on everyone.

So now that I've put that out there, I will, hopefully for the last time, revisit the fact that we had a rough start. Being connected to the Babymoon group, along with a lot of reading I've done, has really enlightened me to the fact that being a new mom doesn't come easy to some people, especially in the United States, which does so little to support families in comparison to other developed nations. Postpartum depression and anxiety are, in a word, common. Those hormones do a serious number to the brains of postpartum moms, and it's NOT always awesome. The worst of all is that we're lead to believe that we have reached the best moment of our lives, so we put on fake smiles...or if we don't, we're thought of as negative and ungrateful. While it's true that giving birth to a healthy baby is life's greatest blessing, it's also true that people are allowed to be overwhelmed and have emotions that aren't so rosy. Loving your baby more than anything and NOT loving your new role as a mom are two mutually exclusive things. I now know that something real was altered in my brain after I gave birth, and it stuck around for a very long time. I started a One Line a Day journal after Gavin was born. You know, where you can look back and see what you did on this same day in past years? I don't even like reading it from two years ago, and some of the days last year had overtones of stress and glum. I feel so sad for my former self. I know that my life is, and always has been, really, really good. But everyone's got their demons, no matter how good things appear on the outside. That is for dang sure. I'm just so, so, so, so glad that it seems I've overcome the bulk of the stress and feelings of loss of control that have gripped me for way too long. I'll always mourn my former, carefree, well-rested life when I had plenty of time and money. But the current one is richer in more important ways and just plain better, and that is that. Onward!

He's pretty portable

Found a comfy little nook

Working on his projects with the new mining helmet that my parents brought him back from Alaska

Graham's Alaska moose boots. They'll fit perfectly this winter!

Lucky guy has some generous big cousins that hand down cool toys.

Hot summer days are for meeting Nonna and Papa for ice cream breaks.

Then we hit the library and spent the best $2 of my life on used construction books. He's slept with his new books every night since.

The Paw Patroller sure helps to pass the time.

Food, food, food.

Adequate amounts of screen time.

Summer days are so long and boring...but that means plenty of time for selfies!

Haha!

Giving me a geography lecture.

Can't get enough of this sweet face.

HBD to my darling cousin!

Breakfast, Palmer-style: cooked, eaten, and cleaned prior to 8am. Happy birthday to my big bro!

Wednesday wouldn't be complete without a family trip to Costco after swim lessons. We really are Simpletons.

By the end of this week, I will have done a pool party with friends at the Palmers' house, lunch at Postino, happy hour at Kona Grill and a movie at iPic. For someone who has done a lot of complaining about how little I get out, I'd say it'll wrap up to be a pretty good week! I'm sorry to look so forward into the future, but chances are slim I'll carve out the time to get on the blog before then. So, make it a great second half of the week, and sayonara until next time.