If you can deal with a lot (a LOT) of strong language, I think you'll find that John Oliver's tribute to 2016 really says it best. He shot his final episode of the year just after the election, and the man is brilliant.
So yeah, the world is a scary place, and we can't hide from it. I'd like to remain hopeful that 2017 will be a better year, like turning over a new leaf. I'm not real confident that it will be...but why not hope?
Anyway, we could touch on about a million devastating, scary or horrific things that happened all across the world that do (or should) affect all of us, but the focus of this blog tends to stay on the four people living in this house. So I will rein it in, and bring it back into focus.
2016 for us? Highs and lows...just like everyone else. Life tends to go in a certain trajectory that includes many peaks and valleys, and this year was full of every type of terrain. But our highs were pretty sky high, and we made some memories that I'll cherish for a lifetime. Right now in our family we feel good, we're living comfortably, and we are big on love and gratitude. I'd say we're closing out the year in the best possible condition. When it boils down to everything that matters-family, love and overall well-being, well the four of us hit the jackpot. 2016 has spit us out mostly intact and ready to take on the year ahead of us.
This wouldn't be a New Year's blog post without a year-in-review. It might not be a short one. That is your cue to navigate away from here...unless you're Me in the Future who actually cares to dig up every detail.
We kicked off 2016 with a 2-week-old baby. All was good and well. We had conquered the holiday season because my instinct told me that the newest guy would show up early, prompting me to be Christmas-ready by early to mid December. In that time, Dylan had accepted a new job and also took on the role of president of the aviation association...in addition to his contract work producing aviation videos that he'd started the previous summer. The new (paying) job was a great move, and I was so proud of him. The non-paying job also seemed like a great idea because, at the time, I had no idea that it would suck every spare second of time and every ounce of emotional energy from him while we tried to navigate life with a new family member.
I, however, put all forms of work on the back-burner. I had no plans to return to my job, and even so, Gavin checked in with Dawn twice a week. It really helped Graham and I get acclimated to our new way of life. I was fiercely devoted to nursing that baby, and it consumed everything I had to give. To anybody. We didn't have the easiest start...he had a lip tie that had to be revised, and he was gassy and unhappy. I chalked it up to a milk allergy and gave up all dairy in my diet. I had some lingering post-traumatic stress from my first go-around with a newborn, and I was willing to do whatever it would take to make the baby cry less. So, we spent a lot of time at home, and I fed my face and then subsequently fed Graham. That was our life.
Gavin did not immediately take very well to the baby. So many people told me how the older sibling immediately falls in love with the baby right away, but others told me some stories about an opposite scenario. It's not surprising that at 2 years and 4 months old, after being an only child up to that point, that it was a difficult adjustment for him. I could not turn my back on Gavin and Graham together for fear that Gavin would dump the baby out of the swing or something. It was a rough patch for the family and in parenting Gavin in particular. A couple months into this, Graham became the worst sleeper EVER. He woke up every hour or two ALL night long for about two months. Somehow, I held it together. I found a sliver of patience and grace deep within me that I never knew existed, and I handled this time of life better than I would have ever expected.
When Graham was just shy of 5 months old, it all suddenly fell into place. He started waking up just two or three times at night. Gavin adjusted to having the baby around...AND he mastered the art of going in the potty. Successes all around. A month later, Gavin went in for his eye surgery, which was terrifying for me. Eventually his eyes healed and straightened out, and though we're not out of the woods yet with his eyes, the surgery was as successful as it could be.
Our biggest gift of the year came at the beginning of the summer when Dylan's airplane went into maintenance for two months. He put many of his other duties on hold, and we booked a lot of travel. We camped in our trailer, spent a few weeks in Hawaii and Oregon with the Millers, and took a trip to San Diego. It was a whirlwind of packing and unpacking and traveling with two little kids, but we really had the time of our lives. I was a little scared about long plane rides and road trips with the little baby, but I'm so glad we went for it. We had fun, relaxed and spent quality time together and with our Oregon family.
And just like that, the summer wrapped up, and the next chapter began for all of us. Life as we knew it made a complete 180. At the beginning of August, Gavin began preschool two days a week, which has been so good for him. He's really doing well, learning a lot and having fun. We signed him up for baseball on Tuesdays, and as far as I can tell, he loves that, too. He does Spanish, music class, and chapel, and every day he comes home and talks about the other kids in school. Seeing him learn more than I would ever have the patience to teach him has been amazing.
Dylan went back to work flying the plane around the same time Gavin went to school, and it seemed like he almost never came back home until early December. Of course, he did come back home between trips, but it was a grueling time of life for our family. As long as everything else was changing, I decided that I was ready to reclaim my body for the rest of my entire life, and Graham started taking formula like a champ. Gavin turned 3, and then the guys at my old job got in touch around this same time to get me back in the pharmacy. We agreed on a very limited Tuesday and Thursday schedule. I started work just after Labor Day, and Graham went to daycare for the first time.
We didn't adjust to our new lifestyle immediately, and in fact I still don't feel like I have it completely together at times. Gavin hit a rough patch, and I still don't know if it was due to his dad being gone a lot, or the fact that I became a rushed and frenzied insane person, or if it had anything to do with the constant stream of viruses/coughs/fevers that hit him in succession for three months. Whatever it was, it was bad. Just when I thought he was this brand new happy, obedient little boy at summer's end, he reminded me that the only thing I can count on when it comes to kids is that everything always changes.
Getting back to work was good for a while, and I'm still happy that I have a place to go to break up my week and earn some extra change. It's not a schedule I'd find anywhere else in pharmacy or probably any other industry at all. I'm definitely grateful that I was given this opportunity, but I don't like the work, and I never have. I've finally reached a point where I'm satisfied just coasting along, and if one of these days something better comes along, then great. If not, well all things considered, life is not so bad. It's been a relief to finally let go of the endless search for something better. What a waste of energy that has been. Another thing I've learned is that it's easy to want what you don't have. If I'm not working, I wish I was working. If I'm working, I wish I wasn't. It's a grass is always greener scenario. I miss my boys when I'm at work, and I hate dropping them off at school. (Though Gavin would be going to school regardless). But when I'm not working, I pull my hair out at home because doing everything around here makes me insane. It's a weird, extremely busy type of intense boredom. So I go to work. Plus, I have my eye on a prize in the form of a real estate purchase that will get us living closer into town. If 16 hours a week at my job can help us to accomplish this in any way, well then I'm happy to do it.
Anyway, it wasn't just that Dylan was out of town more than he was home. Or that Gavin started school. Or that I went to work and Graham went to daycare. More than once, I felt like I bit off more than I could chew with considering these factors alone. But, we also made four round-trip flights in two months and squeezed in a weekend in Sedona as well. Whether with or without kids, packing everyone up, figuring out the logistics of travel with a work schedule, and keeping all my ducks in a row was a nightmare at times. In the end, we had four fantastic trips. First, Portland/Seattle with the boys, then by myself to Charleston, then to Oregon for Thanksgiving with everyone, and finally New Orleans, just D and me. The fun we had and the memories we made were worth every ounce of effort, which is easy to say now that it's all in the past. If I had it to do over again, I wouldn't have passed on any of these trips. However, with a young family, my preference as the family master coordinator of logistics would be to have a little more time between trips. But...how lucky we are to have had these opportunities to see family and friends and have a little fun. At any given point, I was probably really ready for a vacation far away from our house. And, after all, nothing worth doing is easy, especially at this time in our lives. I'm tired, I look old and haggard, I've been on the brink of losing my mind a time or two (or three or four), but when I take a step back and look at the big picture...well, really I have it all. #nocomplaints
And then just like that, it was Graham's first birthday and Christmas was upon us. It was a fun-filled, festive and busy time, and the best thing of all was that we had Dylan around for the majority of it. We didn't do all the things we normally do, but that will be our new normal. With a couple of company Christmas parties that consume entire weekends, a school musical, and a birthday party for Graham, paired with a couple kids who are usually snoozing by 6:30pm, our availability in the Christmas season is limited. I've learned that that is fine. It was a wonderful Christmas with three days of celebration, plenty of decorations, carols, hot drinks and gifts. And, of course, a huge amount of gratitude for my family and this life.
Our pace of life from mid-August to December was
I'm getting a little ahead of myself, though. My focus for 2017, in particular, will be to slow it down, get some control over myself, gain some perspective, and freaking relax. I have a feeling that, just like 2016, we will close out 2017 in a very different place than where we started. I can't even imagine what things will be like when Gavin is 4 years old and Graham is 2. It's just on the horizon, yet it seems so far in the future. With any luck, our commute to get groceries will be five minutes instead of 30, and I can go to the gym without it consuming our entire morning. Maybe...just maybe, I'll have my act together enough for us to actually sit down as a family and have real dinners at least a few times per week. And if Dylan has his way, he might just be found zooming around town in a self-driving Tesla Model 3 while doing work on his iPhone. (We will see about that.) Even if we don't get our way with anything else, as long as we have each other, we will be better than okay.
No comments:
Post a Comment