I feel like everyone talks about a turning point around this time, and I keep trying to convince myself that I see signs of it happening. Like when he sleeps for six or seven hours straight. But then I remember he did that two weeks ago and is only returning from the regression. Or he sits awake and alert without crying or being held long enough for us to eat dinner. But then several more days go by and it doesn't happen again. It was just a fluke. Slowly, very slowly, things are getting easier. And hey, at least he is a good night time sleeper!
This hungry man is awake all day long, except for a couple of hours, and spends the whole time eating. I think he likes his dad better than his mom because his dad does not get irritated with all the crying. Dylan has endless patience, and when he's not here I have my arms full all day long. In the past few weeks Gavin has been known to eat a bottle or two of formula every day because sitting around all day long with my boob plugged into a baby has made me want to rip my hair out. And if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. That was never my plan, but I'm always open to modifying my plans to make life better. And I think I heard somewhere that formula actually isn't poison, so I think Gavin will be okay. I even read that most people do not turn out to be the type of mother they thought they would be, and in the case of formula feeding/breastfeeding, that is true for me. And I am 100% okay with it!
We are still doing our afternoon walks, and I think that has helped my bum leg a lot! My knee is still weak and feels very heavy, but I can walk very sturdily now. I can't run, I can barely jump, and stairs are a challenge, but it's getting better slowly. Everything is moving slowly around here!
But with all that being said, if I had it to do over, I would still do it. It's been a very rewarding and eye opening experience. I love my baby, and I love seeing Dylan as a dad. And, as tough as it is, I do like being a mom. At my regular job I don't get many moments to take a breath or grab a bite to eat, so this isn't much different. It's just that the hours are longer and the pay is worse. And also, I have a perfect little baby boy, so what could be better?
So that is our current state of affairs. We are well. Things are status quo. Motherhood is hard, but I knew it would be, and that is why I entered into it so cautiously and with a hint of ambivalence. But I am really, really happy, and I am showering, eating, and even sleeping. Dylan is good, Gavin is great...what more could we want ?! (Except maybe the freedom to go out in public without the fear of the baby freaking out in a store...)
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