I Won't Apologize

While I sat, nursing the baby, I picked up a copy of Real Simple and read the first article, called "I Won't Apologize For..." They had their readers send in the little indulgences they do for themselves that they do not feel sorry about, like hiding cookies in their closet so they don't have to share with their kids. I think what I won't apologize for is sending Gavin to daycare even though I'm not at work. I think it's good for him, which might just be something I tell myself to justify the expense...but since the baby has arrived, it's been crucial to my well-being. Dylan has to get work done during the week, so he can't be on constant daddy duty. Between two jobs and heading up two volunteer organizations, he needs to get away from here to get stuff done every now and then, and I'm glad for him that he does.

Maybe I'm weak for having a tough time handling both kids at once? Or maybe I'm just a bad parent because Gavin is behaving so terribly lately, which makes running this place unmanageable? I'm not really worried about it. I just know that spending those days with Graham have been peaceful and refreshing. Sometimes we're at home all day, and sometimes we're out and about. Either way, I'm super grateful that Dylan can get some work done, and I don't have to constantly police a rowdy 2-year-old who is insistent on breaking or making a mess of every single thing in sight while this newborn nursing phase keeps me mostly imprisoned.

In other Gavin news, though he mastered climbing out of the crib long ago, it hadn't really been a problem until recently. Yesterday, we heard someone at our bedroom door at 6:30, and after a mini heart attack, we realized it was just G. This morning, the same thing happened. At 4:30. I'm sure this will continue to be a problem, so we should probably move him into his bed so that he doesn't break his arm or something. I am tempted to get the "OK to Wake" alarm, and I have no doubt that Gavin will understand what it's telling him. I just don't think he'll care and will get up anyway. This is perfect timing for these shenanigans, since I'm already getting so much sleep anyway. On opposite day.

Watching Grandpa use power tools on FaceTime

Just doing normal things

Spending more time awake and not eating/crying

Announcing his favorite foods on a stool

In Graham news, we received his social security card last week. Then promptly lost it. Dylan and I both saw it and even touched it. Then it was gone. Poof. I think one of two things happened...it got recycled with the junk mail (by me...I blame it on sleep deprivation), or his big brother took the opportunity to throw it away, as he's done with so many other papers and objects. Unfortunately we discovered it was missing on the same morning the recycling had been taken out and picked up by the truck, otherwise we probably would have found it. So, someone will be spending a couple hours at the social security office next week. Not awesome.

Also, Graham has started going bald and getting baby acne, right on schedule, but he's still as adorable as ever. He's following his big brother's footsteps in a lot of respects. This can be good and bad. He's growing fast, which I only know because he's growing out of his clothes, but I have no idea what he actually weighs. He's one month old today, and he's starting to figure out how to fall back asleep after he eats in the middle of the night, which has helped me out a lot. He is the sweetest little thing. I'm exhausted and will be glad when this season of life is behind me, as I'm starting to feel a little cooped up and am craving a good workout and a good night's sleep like nothing else, but I've really been able to embrace his sweetness. With Gavin, I was so thrown and so stressed out that I was pretty miserable for quite a while. I'm happy to have kept my head on straight, even though things are probably even harder than they were the first time I had a newborn around here.

As for me, I've been reading a lot of articles on my iPhone. Most interestingly, the Wired magazine interview with Leonardo DiCaprio where he addresses climate change and talks about his crazy new movie. He's a real environmentalist and very handsome to boot. I've been deeply engrossed in redesigning my living room and have consulted many blogs and spent some time on the websites of furniture and decor stores. I may or may not act on this, depending on how I feel about tapping into the nest egg I created while working full-time. (Thanks, former self.) It's amazing the things you can accomplish with an iPhone while spending the majority of your day with a baby in the other hand. But I really miss my computer and having both my hands to type. I've also been reading a book called The Turner House on my Kindle and also The Rosie Project (thanks for the rec, Tuna) in paperback. Occasionally I'll flip through a magazine, too. I started watching Mozart in the Jungle on Amazon Prime. It's pretty good, but I'm not addicted. I bought Amazon Echo for Dylan for Christmas, and it's been fun having that around to answer my really important questions, like "How old is Marco Rubio?" When the baby naps, which is not often (again, like his big brother), I run around like a crazy person trying to do laundry or clean up around here. Also, I feel incredibly overweight but am ravenously hungry because of breastfeeding, but if that's my biggest problem, I guess I'm doing okay.

So, you can see why I'm getting antsy to move out of this phase of life and get outside a little more. Anyway, I am thankful for two healthy little boys and the flexibility to stay at home during this phase because it is what is best for everyone in this family right now. And I'm really, really thankful to have had Dylan around, and really, really, really thankful for the job that Dylan starts this month that has an actual schedule, allowing us to actually plan things. Life isn't easy, but it sure is good.