Gavin the Champ

Our weekend played out just as we'd expected. Translation: it was a total yawn, but it was just what we needed. We've had Dylan at home for a good run, and we're on the eve of him traveling the next five weeks out of six, so I'm glad we stuck around here. We got to work around here early on Friday and cleared out the garage. I went through boxes and boxes of the most ridiculous crap. I found the fat old college catalog from ASU from 2000-2001. How many times have I moved since then, and why the hell would I hang onto something like that? I found all of my college binders from my freshman year (and luckily none of the other years), and ALL of my textbooks and binders from pharmacy school, which means they moved with me from 3,000 miles away. What was wrong with me? To add to that, I even found a sprinkling of school projects from elementary and middle school. Our trash and recycle bins are now very full.

Not to say that anything about cleaning out the garage was exciting, but honestly my memories of the remainder of the weekend fail me because they were just so run-of-the-mill. I kept the kids away and did our usual errands so Dylan could spray the weeds and put down flooring in the closet. We had a park date with friends, we grilled, we went on walks and played in the backyard, we made blueberry pancakes one morning and crepes another morning, we answered bizarre questions from Gavin about satellites and internal organs, we did church, and Dylan took the boys to the aquarium while I went to a Tupperware-like party for clothes for a friend from work. And that's probably more than you ever cared to know. So without further ado, here are a sprinkling of photos from the weekend.

Griddle master!

Impatient for pancakes

These sweet guy loves to hug the sheep doll that his Nonna and Papa brought back from Chile

Cruisin' is his fav past time

He loves to push the RZR, just because he can, I think.

First day of summer?? (Look at that physique!)

He looks 7

I can't stop laughing at this video of Graham going down the slide in a most slug-like fashion. He climbed up and slid down over and over. He dumped his water all over himself, so his cute outfit turned into a mismatched plaid on Southwestern look. What a wreck!

Playing with matches, NBD

Sunday twins!

He obviously didn't think it was as cool as I thought it was

I look blehhh, but he looks so sweet!

Has anybody seen Gavin and Graham?

The only real bummer of the weekend, and it's kind of a big deal, is the peculiar and really nasty looking, bumpy, swollen, scabby rash that Gavin developed just on his left leg and on one tiny spot on his lower back. It looks like shingles, which is crazy, I know. But that's what my dad says, and that's what the pediatrician said, too. She called another doctor to take a look at it, and they both agreed that it was "the weirdest rash they'd ever seen." Nobody knows what is happening. So, we went for blood work, and Gavin was so incredibly brave. He got an enormous ice cream from Cold Stone afterward. They're going to look at a CBC, blood chemistry, liver function, and tests on any testable disease: mono, valley fever, every type of hepatitis, mycoplasma, CMV...the list goes on and on and on. It sucks, and it's really scary, and I've played out the worst case scenario over and over in my head. However, I'm really glad he's getting a thorough work-up because something about him has just been off in the last few months. He's had so many fevers, random barfing, incessant coughs/colds/runny noses, his first ever ear infection, sleep problems, behavior problems, appetite problems, tantrums that left me worried for his mental health, swollen lymph nodes, etc. It's been hard, and the poor kid probably has just been feeling like crap for such a long time. I hope everything comes out normal, and the answer we get from this is just that he's a 3-year-old in school who gets sick a lot and is at the peak of defiant behavior and we just have to let it run it's course. But whatever the result, I'll drop everything to get him to feeling good again. Luckily, this strange rash hasn't caused a fever or left him feeling too ill...just a little run-down and out of sorts. And, actually, tonight was the first time that Dylan and I observed him playing with any amount of energy that wasn't caused by mania in such a long time. It was so fun and so refreshing.

Graham chose something healthier for lunch. Of course, it was from off the ground. #details

Being Gavin's mom has been one of the most rewarding and fulfilling experiences of my life, but no doubt the most stressful, hardest thing I've ever done. I've been completely transformed as a person, mostly for the better, and it's changed just about everything I formerly knew to be true. It is impossible to count the number of hours of sleep I've lost in the last 3.5 years stressing about this kid. It started from the moment he took his first breath. When he was a newborn, we were referred to the pediatric urologist at PCH for something that is no longer an issue. Then, it was all the crying and eventually a milk protein allergy and reflux diagnosis. After that, he spent a night in the hospital at 8 months old due to dehydration from a stomach virus. A few months later, he couldn't crawl anymore for just one night, which made me fear the worst (for the first of many times). When it never happened again, everyone agreed to brush it off as a fluke. Except a few months later he walked with a limp for a few days, and then that went away, too. Thank heavens. His walking was delayed and then when he finally walked, it wasn't quite right. So we did a hip x-ray and physical therapy. Then, all the visits to the pediatric ophthalmologist and eventually eye surgery. Recently, we've dealt with night terrors, and he's been into the doctor a couple times in the last few months for all the random illnesses. With every medical issue that's come our way, I've just been grateful that it wasn't something worse.

But it's not just the medical things. His emotions are intense and volatile. He's so reactive to his world and so serious. He'll hardly eat a thing that isn't milk or processed carbohydrates, and it kills me every single day. His sleep, or lack thereof, has been a huge stressor in and of itself, and the shitstorms that ensue when he's over-tired and cranky have been no walk in the park. We've had some very trying times, and I've often wondered...Was this meant to be this hard? What did I sign up for with this? Does everyone think they suck at life and parenthood all the time? Or is it just me? Either that, or I'm just too braindead and beat to shit to wonder about anything at all.

Now that we're a few years into this, I've realized that each parenting experience is unique. Each kid is different, and each parent's reaction to it is specific to that parent. No doubt that with Gavin, I have had some postpartum anxiety/depression and some incredibly lonely days and nights, which made the whole thing so much harder on both of us. I'm sure some parenting experiences are harder in different ways than the next, but all are hugely rewarding. Gavin is so, so special. I remember thinking his vocabulary was advanced when he was a tiny toddler, but lately we've been listening to recordings of him from a year or more ago, and it's so much fun to hear his tiny voice use big words and complete sentences. He loves school, though he keeps to himself a lot. He has learned so much, and he asks the most insightful questions. He enjoys music, and he's very well-behaved at school and in public. He's sweet, affectionate, enthusiastic and adorable, and when I look at him, I just see perfection in the form of a little boy. My love for this boy is immeasurable, and it only grows with every passing day. He used to favor daddy, but now he's 100% a mama's boy. He stays with me in the bathroom while I get ready and wants to sit on my lap when I eat lunch. He's a huge part of who I am, and I wouldn't have it any other way. When we know what comes next, we'll process our emotions and reactions, however happy or sad they might be, and then develop a plan at that time. For now, I'm just glad I've had a chance to reflect on the hugeness of having this one small person in my life.