The Weekend Was GOOD

After all my complaining about the past week, we really got a lot of bang for our buck out of the one day we had Dylan at home. He arrived on Friday evening, and Gavin was so happy to have Daddy get him out of bed on Saturday morning. It's no secret that Daddy is his favorite, and this was evident over the weekend more than ever. In following tradition, we had donuts for breakfast because Dylan was home from a trip. Except we didn't bring them to the playground because it was 204 degrees outside, and also Gavin was the only one to enjoy the over-indulgent treat this time. D took G to the gas station down the road where he carefully picked out his donut, and that was that.

Saturday afternoon found us at the Jordans' house for swimming and a BBQ. It was terribly hot outside, but we stayed in the shade and dipped in the pool, and it was perfectly enjoyable! Elaine and I relaxed on the swim step, Graham enjoyed sitting in my lap in the water and Gavin and Luke splashed around with their dads. It's most definitely summertime. The food was excellent. Thanks for having us, S&E!

We had a make-up swim lesson this morning, and since Dylan's departure time was pushed back, he was able to join us. In fact, we even had a family outing to Wildflower afterward, and I was very pleased by Gavin's cooperative behavior. Maybe he's onto something new? We had a visit from Nonna in the afternoon, a viewing (or two) of Toy Story, some craft time and even a little help from G in the kitchen. Tomorrow morning we're off early to Gavin's first dentist appointment. Luckily, my mom stuck around town and will help us out at this appointment so I don't have to worry about G's inevitable resistance against having his teeth cleaned while simultaneously wearing a crying baby. If only I knew how footloose and fancy free my life really was three years ago.

The plan on Friday was to stay at home and stay out of the heat.

Until the day got really long, and frozen yogurt sounded like a really good idea.

All smiles in the morning.

Nom nom nom

Donuts 'cause Daddy's home!

An out-of-order photo from Wildflower

Horsing around with Dad

Climbing on Dad when he's trying to relax

Taking a break from Dad to do something important like putting a bag on his head.

Video games with Dad

Lunch with Dad

Hugs for Dad.

Then Dad left town again and Gavin got put to work in the kitchen. #typical

In other news, Graham moved to the nursery for nighttime sleep. We finally bit the bullet and handed over an arm and a leg for the extra monitor camera because Gavin has proven a couple times that he still needs to be on the monitor. Graham didn't sleep any better or worse on his first night in the crib, but we also made another significant change to the routine at 3am. Dylan got up with the baby and gave him his first taste of...wait for it...formula. Dylan couldn't get Graham to fall back asleep, so I went back on duty for that, but then the baby slept till 8:30 am. Amazing!

So, here's the formula back story. Normally, I love this life and my position in it. But it's not always easy...in fact it's usually not. And sometimes it gets to be too much, and when it's too much, it's like really too much. I do and say things that would cause my childless self to smack my current self in the face and say "Get a grip, crazy person." So, I decided that something had to give. When Dylan and I went to a movie the other morning, I pumped in the car on the way to the movie. Then I pumped on the way home. And I was still at a 2 ounce deficit from what the baby ate while we were away, and it was maddening, and that's when I decided to do what I did. I wanted to leave for a few hours and not think about my boobs for crying out loud! I'm no milk machine, and thus, I am a slave to nursing. So, on my next visit to Target, I bought some formula and just let it sit on my counter for a week. On the whole Graham gets plenty to eat, but I don't think he gets enough in any one sitting, and so he generally hits the tap every hour to two. Then, yesterday when I was scrambling to prepare food and pack for the entire family to swim and get out the door, I had to repeatedly stop what I was doing to feed the baby. I felt the fury and decided that night was the night the formula can would be opened.

I still intend to nurse Graham most of the time, but I do know this is a dangerous rabbit hole to jump down and could ruin breastfeeding if I let it. I think, though, that things on the whole will be better...for me and everyone in this house if I can grab a little bit more freedom in my day. And darn it if I didn't give nursing everything I possibly had. I sat in a chair and fed the baby for hours on end for his first couple months. My butt is permanently imprinted on the chair...and I'm not the type to enjoy sitting around for very long. So, I give myself all the credit for doing everything I could to make breastfeeding work right off the bat. And then I went off dairy for a few months because I had a gassy and unhappy baby, and that sucked because I love yogurt and cheese. Well, I started eating yogurt and cheese again, and though Graham has some epic gas, he doesn't seem much more unhappy than normal. So, we're giving the regular formula a try, and if he's intolerant of it, then we'll yank it from the regimen. I positively won't do the Nutramigen thing because, frankly, it doesn't fit into the budget. Not unless someone around here wants to sell a kidney or something, and my body's been through enough in the last year, thank you very much.

So, we'll just see how it goes. Graham's almost six months old, he's been eating food and now he's in his own room. It's a season of growing and changing. Hooray for that! I was telling Dylan the other day that I had started feeling like that mama orangutan at the Phoenix Zoo. You know, the one with the tiny baby orangutan that clings to her body and looks out at the world with wide eyes as she climbs around the exhibit? It's so sweet, but at the same time, don't you look at that mama orangutan and think...that looks kind of cumbersome. When Graham isn't eating, he's usually being worn in the front carrier because he only gives me a few minutes here and there before he needs/wants me. Sure, it's sweet, and yes, I've been completely patient and go-with-the-flow about it. But sometimes it's also completely infuriating because I have a lot going on...not to mention that it's hard to pee while wearing a baby, and I'm reaching the end of my rope. I lasted longer than I ever would have imagined. I nailed the discreetly nursing in public and nursing in a parked car. I could probably nurse on the moon if need be, but I really don't want to do that. I'm just so over it. Yes, I know, all this stuff is temporary, it's just this season of life I'm in, etc, etc, blah blah blah. So, I'm embracing the changes and hoping to grasp just a bit of freedom out of it. And, however this baby ends up being fed for the next six months until his first birthday will be completely fine because it will be what it will be. And anyway, I know some exceptional people who were raised on formula!

Also...Gavin's eye continues to look better and better, and I am super grateful for that. Okay, Monday, take it easy on us. Here we come!

12 weeks

12 weeks..It's supposed to be some kind of milestone, and I really feel that it is. I think after today, we say sayonara to the newborn stage. Fine by me! It's been an interesting adventure. Equal parts exhausting, frustrating, wonderful and amazing. These first few months, at least for me, have proven to be a real test of endurance. This is true for both of my boys, though I've had wildly different experiences with the two.

In some weird way, I feel like Graham and I are part of this exclusive club, in which he and I are the only members. I didn't feel that way with Gavin...I was just like "Waaaahhh this is so hard!!" the whole time, constantly second-guessing everything I did and doing myself the disservice of reading too many books and listening to too many people. This time around, I did things the way I wanted them to be done, and I refused to give a rip about whatever people were thinking or saying. Even Dylan, who supports me in every way, is not part of this club. He is a super star dad, as we've already established, but as he told me over the weekend, "I don't even know how to put this baby down for a nap." He's given him two or three bottles (yes...I've only been gone long enough for the baby to need a bottle just a handful of times), and Graham has slept in the baby carrier on Dylan's body a bunch of times. But D doesn't have the boobs, and so he's never once done the middle of the night thing (which I'm sorry to report is still a two or three times a night event). This has led to us keeping our club very exclusive, and come to think of it, D has never even given the baby a bath. He's awesome at holding Graham, though, even when he's crying while I scramble to get ready for bed, make dinner or whatever, and I'm sure their bond will grow as G2 gets older.

We haven't had this many smiles along the way, but we're seeing more and more of them!

12 weeks...we made it!

Yes, it has been an exhausting way of doing things. But I've also taken a very relaxed approach to it. Often I want to run far, far away from this house, but once that feeling passes, I realize I deserve a pat on the back for all this crazy hard work because I think Graham is going to be better for it. (And he'll be one hell of a Mama's Boy.) For the most part, I've been perfectly content, but I've almost lost it a few times, and I feel proud that I've stuck it out for the long haul. And yes, 12 weeks is an extremely long amount of time when you have a new baby.

I'd also like to declare victory on the nursing thing. Graham has still not had a drop of formula. That might not be the case if I weren't 99.5% sure that he has a dairy intolerance, like Gavin had. I wasn't about to make room in the budget for Nutramigen, and it turns out that cutting dairy out of my diet, while not ideal, is totally doable. More than that, I think I was just hell bent on making nursing would work out this time. I'm not even sure why. I'm not so against formula, and I know it makes things easier most of the time. I guess it has to do with my theory on parenting...if I'm going to do it, then I need to do it the right way. My version of the right way, that is. (I'd be beating a dead horse if we went into how people just need to do what's best for their own situation when it comes to parenting styles, so we will leave it at that.) Just like I knew I wouldn't give in and cry uncle during natural childbirth. If I decide to succeed at something, then my only option is to succeed. Sometimes at the detriment of my sanity. And I did almost lose my sanity, especially in the seven weeks leading up to the lip tie release. I had severe pain, Graham's poops were green, he was tiny...and angry. So angry. I have post-traumatic stress from Gavin's infancy, if you haven't noticed, so the screaming baby was just so un-cool. I still get painful blocked ducts, which are no joke, but I feel like we are really over a hump, and this whole thing is going to work.

Graham, you are my precious little peanut. I'm so glad we've done things the way we have. I'm even more glad that you're a little more prepared for me to share you with the world and we can both branch out a little more. I think we both need it. Like, really badly. It has been a joyful, but very isolating time. Going to our mom's group at Babymoon every Tuesday has been my savior in making me feel less alone on this adventure. Oh, the relief of hanging out with other like-minded new (or second-time new) moms. This time is so, so hard, but so precious and very temporary (even if it doesn't seem that way). I'm figuring you out more and more every day, and we are really finding our groove. I'd like to get more sleep, but sleep will come. We're doing better than just scraping by. My sanity is intact, and I've actually spent the last few months being very, very happy. I'm looking forward to the adventures ahead, and I can't wait to see you grow up and play with your big brother, the other light of my life. I love you bigger than the universe!

3-Day Weekend

We were so happy about having a 3-day weekend last week, that we decided to take Monday off again. Today was a day for reciprocating favors. I took off early in the day for a bike ride while Dylan took care of things around here. It was my first bike ride since mid-April last year, just a few weeks after finding out I was pregnant. It was probably my slowest time ever, but nothing has felt so good in almost a year. Except natural childbirth. (SO kidding.)

I thought my first ride of the year was deserving of a selfie

I took it slow and easy. I'm not in shape and I've packed on some extra blubber since my last ride. Also, I didn't want to fall, so I decided not to clip in for this ride. I thought a broken bone might make this mom gig and position as Family Manager and Chairperson pretty difficult. My CEO and Co-chair would probably be less than thrilled if I was incapacitated, too. Luckily, I finished my lap uninjured and 100% happy. When I returned, I took the world's fastest shower and then took over at home and sent Dylan on his way to ride with his buddies. One of these days, Dylan and I will get out on the trail together. You wouldn't believe how difficult it is to coordinate the two of us leaving this house together, without kids, to drive five minutes down the road and ride our bikes for an hour. But, I'm confident it will happen before the heat sets in. #goals

Let's rewind to the beginning of the weekend, shall we? It was an epic one, especially for Gavin who played outside for hours and hours in a few different settings. The best part happened on Saturday morning. Dylan landed the night before around 1am (or something), and the Scottsdale airport was closed, so the airplane was at Deer Valley. The guys had to reposition the plane, so Gavin, Graham and I, along with the other pilot's wife, went along for the ride. Gavin was awesome. He stared out the window as we "went up so high in the sky" and was completely mesmerized. Graham wasn't quite as thrilled, but I'd say that he's doing okay considering he has a private jet ride under his belt at the age of 2 months. It took a lot of shuffling of vehicles and an Uber ride to make this happen, and the fact that the Venza has not yet sold really worked to our advantage on this day. It was the first time I'd even seen Dylan's new plane, let alone taken a ride in it, so that was awesome.

After the plane ride, Dylan and the boys loaded up and headed over to my parents' house. Gavin LOVES to play with the toys and go to the neighborhood park, and I'm sure Dylan appreciated the help with the kids, so it was perfect. I zoomed over to Melissa's baby shower and hung out with my work pals for a few hours. Graham did great again with the bottle, and all in all it was a perfect afternoon!

Sunday had more fun in store for us. We took off early and headed to Prescott for Avery's first birthday party. The Hylands have awesome boy toys and an incredible playground and sandbox. Gavin was so busy that he didn't even stop to eat. I had to fix a peanut butter sandwich for the ride home because he wouldn't stop playing. The weather was perfect, and we had so much fun seeing our friends and celebrating little Avery! The night ended with a quick dinner across the street, and we all hit the hay early.

Cruisin'- no pants, no shoes...but he is wearing a pageboy hat, so that's all that matters.

Smoothie 'stache

Hangin' with Papa

Winding down with cousins

It's dinner at home for tonight before we kick things up a notch for the rest of the week. Life is so chaotic but super, duper good!

Picture Story

For the most part, I'll allow the photos below to tell our story.

Last week when Dylan was gone and the kids were sick, I did the following activities: went to my parents' house, met my mom at Walmart the next day to pick up Gavin, and took Graham to the doctor. So, by Saturday I was especially in the mood to do something. Anything. We didn't have any plans, but we ended up meeting our pals, the Jordans, at the Scottsdale Quarter so the boys could run around and we could eat froyo.

On Valentine's morning, Dylan made pancakes. Gavin helped. Maybe not the best example of parenting, but it was fun. #danger

Lucky me, I got the only heart-shaped pancake in the batch. A couple days later, Gavin even said, "Mommy ate a heart pancake yesterday."

He's an aggressive eater, especially when it comes to breakfast food.

Dylan got Guitar Hero for his birthday, and they've both been enjoying it a ton.

The next day, Dylan arranged a ride for us on the Jordans' boat. It was great to get in some fresh air on a perfect day. The big boys were in heaven playing in the sand all day.

Baby Graham did awesome enjoying his time in the shade.

On the way back, Shawn let Gavin drive the boat. Like, at full speed. I think it was the highlight of Gavin's life.

Everything I love the most!

I came in from a jog to find Dylan wearing the baby and a firefighter hat, hanging out with Gavin in his playroom. #superdad

Look who turned 2 months old! Let's see, what's new with Graham? He is a tiny guy! 14th percentile. He's growing fine, though, so nobody's concerned. It's just crazy how opposite he is of Gavin. He also sleeps a lot more than Gavin because he spends about 80% of the daytime hours in the Ergo. I'm sure Gavin would have been the same way, but I didn't want to believe that that was the only way he'd nap...so he just didn't nap. Anyway, not super convenient, but better than having a crying baby all day. Also, the verdict is in with the lip tie release: it worked. He eats less frequently now. It still seems like he's eating all the time, but it's a little better. On the same token, I do think it bothers him when I eat dairy. I go back and forth between thinking the whole thing is legit and then thinking it's bogus, so then I start eating a little dairy again...like a slice of pizza or cheese on a sandwich...and then he is fussier and other things happen concerning poop, so I won't go into detail. So, I'm trying to lay off the dairy yet again. Sigh. If everything with a baby didn't have to be such a mystery and a game of guess and check, wouldn't our lives be so much easier? His cough is getting a little better, but it's still there. He's just my tiny little precious peanut, and we all love him more every day!

Graham isn't the only one growing up and hitting milestones. Gavin continues to improve at swim class, and he backfloated back and forth across the pool a few times like a total rock star! Also, he picked up two rings from the bottom of the pool. I was so proud. #thelittlethings

He's racing faster and faster on his balance bike, and he drives his plasma car (we call it "wiggle car") so well. Dylan sends him hauling butt down the hallway, and he makes tight turns and everything.

The other morning, it was just me and the little boys, and they were sweeter than ever. My mom heart was bursting that day.

That same day, we met my parents in Fountain Hills. Gavin made a thousand laps around the playground with his dump truck, but I don't think he actually got on the playground.

And there's Graham, under that cover, doing what he does best!

Gavin did take a break to feed the ducks.

There's that smile again.

Lots of playing in the backyard with this weather!

On Thursday, we dropped Gavin off, and before we did an IKEA run, we hit South Mountain for a hike. Dylan was a baby-wearing champ, and Graham did awesome too. It was a perfect morning.

Lunch afterward was at Arizona Sandwich Company. It was SO good. I highly recommend it next time you're in Ahwatukee...which will probably be never. I devoured the whole thing, which isn't surprising, given my appetite lately. While we're on the topic, I'm starting to get very antsy to lose those last 10-12 pounds that won't seem to go anywhere. Any nursing moms with huge appetites have any suggestions for me? I remember with Gavin the weight started coming off at the 3-month mark, but that may have been because I started working and nursing less, so I don't know if I can count on that this time. I've been pretty lenient with myself for now, but it might be time to start thinking about getting back in shape.

Gavin helped himself to some cereal. I was unloading the dishwasher, so I didn't immediately stop him. #lazyparenting

I hit the dermatologist's office this morning. I had a couple of bad biopsies a few months back, so I had to return for a little skin surgery. It was only my third time driving the car with zero children in it in the last two months, so I was almost happy to go to this entirely unpleasant event. It reminds me of a few years back when I had to get titanium screws implanted into my jaw, and I was just happy to be taking a random Wednesday off of work to have the procedure. Sometimes I have serious concerns about my mental health. #introvert #leavemealone

Anyway, the surgery was fine, the stitches will be gone in a week, and I'll be sporting some serious waterproof bandages on my back in the meantime. Graham took the bottle like a champ back at the home front, so little by little I see myself becoming unshackled. Yay!