We Made It

It's been a helluva week. But, we made it to Friday, had a date at the Sugar Bowl with Jess and Drew to celebrate, and Dylan is home for the weekend. Yes, really home. The airplane is in maintenance, so it's not going anywhere. Whew.

On days when I have to wake up before the sun, feed the baby a bottle in my robe with sopping wet hair because he woke up while I was in the shower, throw food and toys to him in his high chair so that I can get ready and get us out the door, and then schlep an hour to work, I wonder if it is all worth it. On Wednesday, I was so excited for my one day off. I hadn't had much time to do anything besides the daily grind and sleeping, and I had a list of things to do. When a loud crack of thunder woke me up at midnight on the nose and then I didn't fall asleep for hours, I should have known it would be a miserable day. Nothing terrible happened, it was just all around miserable. The baby wouldn't nap and wouldn't stop screaming, and I got nothing done. I didn't lose my patience, but I nearly lost my mind. I couldn't wait to get back to work.

When my alarm sounded at 5am Thursday morning, I celebrated, despite having been awake with Gavin for over an hour in the middle of the night. When I got to the pharmacy and joined my co-workers, aka The Perpetually Childless By Choice, I was feeling good and enjoying the company. It was a nightmarish morning at work, which normally would have been very upsetting to me, but somehow I was thriving on the energy and feeling upbeat, which drew some weird looks and remarks in my direction. By the afternoon we were able to enjoy some interrupted conversation and a few short laughs. It's hard work, and it's not always fun. There was a time when I really, really didn't like it. But it revives me, and this week, it saved my sanity. Plus, where else can you watch someone do a little dance in their new scrub pants and shout, "Commando!"? Certainly not at home with a screaming baby.

Should I feel guilty about working extra, or working at all, in lieu of spending that time with Gavin? I don't feel guilty at all, and I hope I don't look back and have any regrets, but I really don't think that I will. Truthfully, I wouldn't be a very good mom if I didn't get out on my own every now and then. Gavin, as adorable as he is, might be the crankiest and most rambunctious little person I've ever known, and I'm just not equipped to deal with that by myself every day.

Oh, did you hear what Indra Nooyi, the CEO of Pepsi, had to say about this kind of stuff? She says that women indeed cannot "have it all," and if they do, they're just pretending. I appreciate her honesty. Because we can't have it all, and we have to be okay with it. Click here for a good, short article.

And Happy, Happy Friday!